Wars, and Rumors of Wars

January 22, 2007 ·

In the haze of my early AM internets blog reading I came across this post:

“I’m coming out of a depression, so I’m very vulnerable, and I might not be seeing things clearly. Maybe by this time next week, I won’t feel this way. But I’ve really had my fill of blogs. I guess I should have stopped reading blogs that feature regular doses of infighting. But Laurelin’s right: there’s a thin line between stirring and silence.”

I’ve felt the same way recently. I went away for the weekend and spent some quality time with one of my loves. It gave me a chance to decompress and think about why all this blog fighting affected me so much personally.

On reflection, the reason comes from being humiliated in public. It’s not just a blog post, it’s personal. It’s a weak spot. It’s an Achilles heel. I’m not shy about being trans. I’ve always said that the best way to advocate is by being yourself. But being open about being transgender, I get the “THAT isn’t a woman!” comments that slice me right down to the core. Why does it bother me so, if I’m not ashamed of being trans? It’s hurts because I’m being ridiculed and having my humanity stripped away. If I’m no longer human, what am I? At that moment, I feel like a monster.

I probably could get another job and not tell them I’m trans. Since I transitioned I’ve never been ID’ed as a man by any of my patients. But I have no desire to move one closet to another. The only way minds will change, is if people know that I’m trans.

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  1. Miss Marti,

    It’s really hard for me to understand why these transgender-haters are so uptight. My sis’s best friend is a MTF. One night they were at a straight venue together and another female attacked my sis and her friend! I couldn’t believe it! I’m not sure what it is that fuels their hatred, it baffles me.

    As a feminist, especially, it’s weird that other feminists are so put off by transgendered people. What’s the big deal? Even in my early feminist days, it never would’ve occurred to me to hate transgendered people. The argument that these women are “reclaiming their space” and MTF are somehow invading their territory is ridiculous. The movement has room for everyone, even straight men. I’ve met plenty of straight men who are feminists, and do a damn good job of it! (Even in South Dakota- a conservative haven!)

    I’ve read the radicals, Mary Daly, Andrea Dworkin, Robin Morgan.. they make some good points, however, there are areas of divergence. I don’t think all sex with men should be considered rape, and I don’t think intelligent discussions about feminism should focus on whether to wear make-up or not, or whether MTF’s should be allowed to use the women’s bathroom. These arguments trivialize the movement, which in my opinion, still needs a lot of work, if we ever expect to get this third wave movin’.

    Maybe it’s always been there, but lately I too have noticed quite a bit of transgender hate speech and it’s disgusting. The idea that in all movements there has to be an enemy is immature and frightening. For example, there is the fundi’s against the liberals, Shiites against the Sunni’s, the West versus the East, Men versus Women, ect.. it never ends.

    It pits human beings against each other, and in a world where violence is escalating more and more each year, it could very well bring about the destruction of our human family. However, it is hard to turn the proverbial “other cheek” when one is at the receiving end of another’s hatred. It reminds me of the statement, “but for the grace of God, there I go.”

    Personally, I’d like to tell all of those fu*ck*#$ers who’ve insulted you to go to Hell, but what good would it do? It’s really tempting to hate the haters with the fire of a thousand suns, but my god, all of this anger can’t be good for people. It’s a very real problem we are faced with today. What to do with all of this rage?

    I think your answer to spend the weekend with one of your loves is a great solution. To quote U2, “Love is the answer, love is the higher law.” Indeed. I think to momentarily be distracted with love is an excellent cure for all ills, emotional and physical.

    And P.S.- I think you’re pretty groovy too.

    ~Ms. SS

  2. Miss Marti,

    It’s really hard for me to understand why these transgender-haters are so uptight. My sis’s best friend is a MTF. One night they were at a straight venue together and another female attacked my sis and her friend! I couldn’t believe it! I’m not sure what it is that fuels their hatred, it baffles me.

    As a feminist, especially, it’s weird that other feminists are so put off by transgendered people. What’s the big deal? Even in my early feminist days, it never would’ve occurred to me to hate transgendered people. The argument that these women are “reclaiming their space” and MTF are somehow invading their territory is ridiculous. The movement has room for everyone, even straight men. I’ve met plenty of straight men who are feminists, and do a damn good job of it! (Even in South Dakota- a conservative haven!)

    I’ve read the radicals, Mary Daly, Andrea Dworkin, Robin Morgan.. they make some good points, however, there are areas of divergence. I don’t think all sex with men should be considered rape, and I don’t think intelligent discussions about feminism should focus on whether to wear make-up or not, or whether MTF’s should be allowed to use the women’s bathroom. These arguments trivialize the movement, which in my opinion, still needs a lot of work, if we ever expect to get this third wave movin’.

    Maybe it’s always been there, but lately I too have noticed quite a bit of transgender hate speech and it’s disgusting. The idea that in all movements there has to be an enemy is immature and frightening. For example, there is the fundi’s against the liberals, Shiites against the Sunni’s, the West versus the East, Men versus Women, ect.. it never ends.

    It pits human beings against each other, and in a world where violence is escalating more and more each year, it could very well bring about the destruction of our human family. However, it is hard to turn the proverbial “other cheek” when one is at the receiving end of another’s hatred. It reminds me of the statement, “but for the grace of God, there I go.”

    Personally, I’d like to tell all of those fu*ck*#$ers who’ve insulted you to go to Hell, but what good would it do? It’s really tempting to hate the haters with the fire of a thousand suns, but my god, all of this anger can’t be good for people. It’s a very real problem we are faced with today. What to do with all of this rage?

    I think your answer to spend the weekend with one of your loves is a great solution. To quote U2, “Love is the answer, love is the higher law.” Indeed. I think to momentarily be distracted with love is an excellent cure for all ills, emotional and physical.

    And P.S.- I think you’re pretty groovy too.

    ~Ms. SS

  3. I think we should get into the habit of calling comments like that slurs, because that’s what they are. They hurt like slurs, and like other slurs they are flung with the same cavalier privilege of knowing there is NOTHING we can say in return that will hurt as much. (I mean, what are you gonna say, “Oh yeah!? Well, you’re really a [man/woman] too, what do you think about that?” )

    I’ve been feeling very bad lately over the marginalization of people with mental health issues because a few people close to me deal with this and they are treated so, so poorly by the medical establishment. I wish more could be done for them, but at the moment, i’m not aware of anyone who speaks up for them.

  4. I think we should get into the habit of calling comments like that slurs, because that’s what they are. They hurt like slurs, and like other slurs they are flung with the same cavalier privilege of knowing there is NOTHING we can say in return that will hurt as much. (I mean, what are you gonna say, “Oh yeah!? Well, you’re really a [man/woman] too, what do you think about that?” )

    I’ve been feeling very bad lately over the marginalization of people with mental health issues because a few people close to me deal with this and they are treated so, so poorly by the medical establishment. I wish more could be done for them, but at the moment, i’m not aware of anyone who speaks up for them.