By Laurelai
So a so-called comedian by the name of Ryan Broems went on a date with a unnamed transgender woman, and this was apparently something he thought worthy to live tweet to his audience. While live tweeting a date in itself is a bit odd under any circumstances, live tweeting a date with a trans woman using the hashtag “#trannygate” was just revolting.
http://storify.com/stuxnetsource/tweet-archive-of-transmisogynistic-live-tweet-rant
As you can see his vile tweets completely misgendered her, treated her like an object of ridicule and utterly dehumanized her by making common activities during a date seem like a freak show.
I don’t even know if she was aware that he was tweeting this, if she was not then we also have a privacy violation going on here. And that’s just fucking creepy.
Ryan Broems, you owe her an apology, and you owe the transgender community an apology.
Not a fake ass half apology, a real one.
A genuine understanding that you realize you have done wrong, and a demonstration of learning from this. If you want to have any hope that your career will move forward you will do this.
[hr]Update: Ryan Broems states that this was a failed comedy bit. This however does not change the problematic nature of the tweets. Making a marginalized community the butt of such jokes is very harmful. He states that he “didnt know tr***y was a slur” but fails to address the bathroom panic joke and the whole vile nature of making a joke out of the possibility of dating a trans woman.
http://storify.com/stuxnetsource/just-a-joke-not-funny
I for one do not find his apology genuine or complete, I also attempted to contact him via facebook for comment and did not receive any reply.
Second update: Seems Ryan found time to reply after all. Below is the message I received.
Hey,
First, I want to apologize for offending you personally. To be quite honest, I didn’t realize “Tranny” was a derogatory term as I had many Transgender friends back east who would refer to eachother as “tranny bitch” and then laugh. I am, however, glad that this was blown up for this reason. If I didn’t know then a lot of other people don’t know. Hopefully this will create awareness for people that are unknowledgeable of the pain words like that cause others. It was a completely made up event meant to humor my minimal followers, which doesn’t make it right, but it was in no way meant to be malicious. People are mad that I deleted the tweets, but the only reason I deleted them is because my friend suggested issuing a sincere apology and getting rid of the tweets. Half way through deleting and shortly after my apology, my account was suspended so I couldn’t change anything or even tweet to explain why I deleted. I do apologize, but I completely understand where you are coming from and I hope this creates awareness of the ignorance in the world that I and many others encompass.
Sincerely,
Ryan BroemsPS I will be on Brash Babble with Vicki Wagner Time Warner Channel 36 at 830 tonight in West Hollywood, and I will be issuing an apology for what I did immediately.
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Oh oh……what’s that? Oh its oral flatulence. Will someone open the vents? Pardon the distraction for daring to peruse the thread.
A “bit gone wrong” begins with good intentions then deviates. This was not a “bit gone wrong”, for a meticulously planned ambush using yourself as bait intended to sully her character and reputation never began with good intentions. You, with malice aforethought intentionally set her up specifically to be victimized. Don’t believe anything I or others say, because it really might be but opinion. Simply peruse your own tweets that reveal her most private and intimate details to the world, now forever a matter of public record, never to be truly deleted. How dare you start a 30 minute countdown to a Twitter real-time and live stage show, starring what you essentially describe as an anomaly on two feet. Undoubtedly her identity will in time be revealed, despite the false pretense of a “private” date. We know the tragic results after another, now deceased transgender female’s private medical history was revealed as a “fraud”, despite her imploring that the Toronto reporter keep her privates private.
Mr Broems, undoubtedly by now she is aware of being so brutally victimized. You have placed her destiny in your hands. Everything has constraints, and if you haven’t learned that a private date is not for public consumption or the butt of your sorry ass jokes, please find another line of work perhaps shoveling manure in an Ostrich farm. You have revealed a character flaw so deep that I doubt it is salvageable. Again, a feign apology won’t suffice any more than a nickel will for a liquor tab. The damage you have inflicted has not ended, and as I have stated lives have been lost from such diabolical public behavior. An apology far more sustained than a lame-ass PR fortune cookie cliche straight out of a gumball machine is in imminent order. You have offended her and the entire transgender community.
If you really think it’s funny to make someone’s private information the butt of jokes, I wonder how you would feel if someone revealed on Twitter the length and girth of your male appendage or lack/presence of foreskin and like intimate details for public mockery and consumption. Most of my life’s work has been in public safety, unconditionally, and as a female with trans history, it has taken on an even more urgent priority.
You shamelessly reduced her soul to her privates, and butchered her in the Court of Public Defamation. Who among us doesn’t know a female that is a kick-ass pool player, or can down liquor better than most males, or exceeds 6′ in height? Lest you think my comment is excessively rebuking, take note: I have been scathingly honest, and yet civil. I have created no facts for beyond your tweets, I have none. You yourself have provided fodder for this discussion.
No jerk, you lost the man battle long before your 1st tweet—when you meticulously planned out the ambush in your devious mind. Perhaps we shouldn’t be so offended; maybe we need thicker skin. One problem: my trans sisters who are now looking up from under the grass can no longer speak for themselves in defense. I, and others can, will and must, until we too look up from our modern-day sarcophagus. Until then, and until Sad Sacks like you continue to be brutal, so too shall a no less scathing defense be forced upon us by behavior that is conduct so offensive that it defies belief and eludes the common definition of appalling, reprehensible, egregious, devious, even disturbed. Eres un hombre sin verguenza y por favor busca otra linea de trabajo! Pronto senor!
He is so egregiously horrible for the following reason: he set up the trans female to be a public victim of his transphobia during the false pretense of “dating.” The fact that he gets off light with feigning an apology rather than worse consequences as that which occurred with a comedian who uttered the “N*****” word should motivate all of us to do more and that we are far from where we should be. Sharing intimate private details beg for due accountability in the harshest manner legally possible. A play-by-play depiction of a twitter “slide show” of him engaged in sexual activity wouldn’t have been much different. This trans-fetish sexual obsession at thigh level has got to stop. First Katie Couric, followed by Piers Morgan and now this deplorable excuse for manhood?
By now it is more than obvious who the real dick is, and it wasn’t her.
I’m not pulling any punches. That sorry excuse for a man is a douchebag for lack of better words that won’t get my comment deleted..
it’s sad that he would doing something like this But for money people will do any thing even if it hurts other people. This is the kind of world we live in now we cant let this stop us from growth from wit in our self’s more and more of us are coming out and becoming movers and shakers in the end we will when the war.
As a woman of transsexual history who is currently actively dating (mostly cis gender folks), this really
upset me.
I have to constantly sort out whether someone really finds
me attractive (in a holistic, all-encompassing way) or whether they are
just titillated at the thought of dating me because I happen to be
trans.
I also have to go into each date wondering if the person who
asks me out really wishes to harm me for being a woman, for being trans,
for being pansexual, or “all of the above”.
That someone would do such a “live tweet” ridicule of their date with any human being is sick beyond measure.
[Edited to include EXTREME TRIGGER WARNING]
I wanted to say some things about this incident, to help people understand the impact things like this have on us trans women:
I haven’t spoken about it much, because I’ve been too busy fighting off
thoughts of suicide since 3AM last night, and I got maybe 2 hours of
sleep.
This man triggered my gender dysphoria worse than anyone
ever has. I have been crying, shaking uncontrollably, and had to ask my
roommate to hide anything I could use to harm myself. I am very very
close to checking in to a clinic because I am very close to deciding
that the thoughts are overwhelming.
I immediately thought,
“This is really how the world sees me. I’m a walking punchline, whenever
I’m not *actually* being punched. Or stabbed. Or shot. Or raped. That
the world that broke me and sent me into denial when I was 15 over
traumatic bullying is still the world I live in, that the “schoolyard
bullies” only got bigger and bought guns, and never left the bully
mentality.
I got angry. I got SO angry that I doxxed him. I
found all of his personal info. 10 Facebook addresses of his family,
including his 2 brothers and mother. I knew where he lived down to a 2
block radius. I identified both of his jobs and the addresses to them. I
wrote down the FB addresses of his closest friends. I messaged the
man’s mother and told her that if she raised her son to be better than
to commit hate crimes, that she needs to remind him of it.
Then
I realized, one of Cathy Brennan’s main tactics is to publish personal
information. The only thing it will lead to is him being terrorized,
when he was already receiving death threats. I didn’t want to harm him.
But I did want him to live in fear. I wanted him to know a small
fraction of the fear I have to face every single day of my life. I
wanted him to feel the fear I would feel in a world where a man would do
what he claimed to do, to me. But this is not the kind of activism I
wanted to be a part in. I did it out of anger, then removed the dox
everywhere I had posted it, and asked people not to share it. I know at
least Broems himself saw the dox first, as I am now banned from his
public page (but not his personal one which is still wide open lol,
moron)
But the damage was done. I woke up today, and found that
I was numb, my mind is telling me how disgusting I am today. I am still
so shaken to the core from this experience that I wonder if I’m really
cut out for activism (after years of doing lots, and having people tell
me they admired me for how much I had worked to create change) I am only
now getting the thoughts of suicide under control, and I fear they may
return at any moment. I am afraid of myself today, in a very real and
serious sense.
The worst part about it is how my mind tells me
that I must be weak. Here I am in shambles because a “comedian” did
something cruel to someone else. After everything I’ve faced head-on and
challenged, this douchecanoe is the person that breaks me? But right
now, it’s hard not to see the world as a place who views me as sub-human
and disgusting.
I’ve been supposedly “working” for the past
4.5 hours, but I’ve really just been laying on my couch crying. I hate
that I “let him get to me so bad.” But the truth is, it’s not really
him, it’s what he reminds me of in a world that has oppressed me as long
as I can remember. I feel like I need people to remind me that they
care about me. I have an amazing support structure, and I can’t trust
myself to restore my self worth today.
I don’t know what I’ll
do from here on out. Will I continue my activism endeavors? Can I handle
it? Can I adjust to keep this from happening again? I don’t know. I am
replaying moments in my head of middle school and being attacked for
being a “faggot.” I look in the mirror, and feel the disgust I used to
before transition. And I can’t believe I am so broken today because of a
two-bit comedian. And worst of all, my first instinct was to react by
terrorizing him, releasing his personal info on the Internet and letting
the Internet do what they do best. I almost lowered myself to the level
of even the most dangerous of TERFs.
Melissa,
I just wanted to say I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. What that guy tweeted was entirely reprehensible and not everyone sees trans women that way. I’m glad he issued an apology and hopefully brought some public awareness to how terrible it is to treat people by the sum of their body parts (assumed or actual) as opposed to what makes them who they truly are. We have such a long way to go still, and this guy illustrates that very clearly.
Nothing I say will erase the hurt and fear you experienced from reading that awful set of tweets. I know that. I just wanted to say we don’t all see trans women in that light, although it may be little comfort to you at the moment.
And to Laurelai – thanks for making more of us aware of what happened so we can spread the word and offer our own counters and denouncements.
You are very courageous for sharing these very vulnerable, real thoughts. Thank you for being strong and for trying to be a positive influence/resource for others even when you are in such a dark place. I respect that a lot.
That was so moving. I want you to know that I am feeling just a fraction of your pain with you right now. It makes me so sick- mentally and physically- to live in a world where some of our species is treated and viewed in such a way that it makes people feel the way you, and so many others do. You’re story that you’ve been courageous enough to share with us here is kick-ass activism material in and of itself! You articulate yourself in a very relatable and real way, I think it really gets the message across in a powerful way. With your permission, I would be honored to share your story in my activist endeavors.
Thank you! Yes, you have my permission to share this.
You are very welcome. Thank you for allowing me to share your story! I hope that I can change some people’s minds 🙂 Stay strong, you are deserving of happiness and respect, just like all us humans. (well, some people relinquish their deserving respect when they act like shitty people lol) Would you want to be friends on facebook? If not I won’t take offence, and if you do I could credit you for your story when I share it. My name is Alycia DiSario if you’d like to friend me 🙂 Have a good one!
Melissa, I am so sorry that this douche caused you so much pain. There is no excuse for this kind of crap by so called comedians. I hope you heal quickly. Hugs.
I know EXACTLY what it feel like to be sh*t upon, to spend an entire
night shaking hysterically, questioning whether life is worth living,
but I also know that transition is not an option for me, or for most of
us born this way. Nor is death an option. You cannot allow yourself to
be derailed by some ignorant a-hole on the internet. If you don’t
believe this with every fiber of your being, you’re not going to make
it, and there are far too many of us who don’t make it.
It is
IMPOSSIBLE to transition in this world without a thick skin. At some
point, someone is going to say something soul-crushing to you. It’s
GOING to happen. The more transgender issues become the darling of
mass-media, the more this kind of stuff is going to happen. If another
person’s words are enough to inspire suicide, you need to seriously
consider if you’re ready to make this journey. You might need more
therapy, a better support system, more time to come to terms with it
all, maybe even anti-depressants. The point is, you need to be prepared
for the absolute worst if you want to complete your transition. Things
do get better as time goes by, and the world is ever so slowly becoming
a kinder place, but it’s never going to be all
sunshine and roses.
Everyone has to deal with abuse in life, regardless of the source.
Trans people get more than their fair share, which is why we have to be
stronger than the average person.
What Broems said is cruel,
ignorant, immature and stupid – and there are probably millions who
would laugh hysterically at it, and millions more who’d wonder why it’s
such a big deal. Every minority has been the butt of jokes. There’s no
accounting for taste. As a trans person, you simply have to shake this
sort of stuff off, and realize that it can’t stop you from living your
life, or prevent you from being happy. You have to
find a way to rise above it, which isn’t hard when you consider that people like this are beneath us from the start.
I share your pain,,,,,,,having been tossed from a job after my revelation. I want you to step outside of yourself while I share this: today we honor Martin L. King who was so despised by many that ultimately cost him his life. His struggle was about race, our struggle is about gender. Today we also honor Cesar Chavez, who was also despised by many for standing up for the little “brown” guys. His struggle was about racial predatory abuse to farm laborers, our struggle is about gender. Today, we honor countless others who also realized that their struggle meant far more than themselves. We honor one man during Christmas whose struggle was about a Kingdom and also despised by most.
After I lost my job, only days after having been hired from many applicants, I got understandably angry, righteously. I don’t have the character or intent ever to explode in anger……..that’s just not me. All of us get angry at some time obviously, and anger is a human emotion intended to defend self or others, correct a wrong, provide adrenaline strength for survival. When I lost that job, I knew that being a trans activist was no longer an option, but a mandate. I vowed that if I ever lost my life prematurely, it would be not from self, but while standing up for my trans brothers and sisters. As trans persons, we not unlike MLK, Cesar Chavez, or our nations’ founders who were traitors to the British…..as trans persons we are tasked with pushing through the headwinds that push against us. We are living in historically relevant times, transgender speaking.
History will not be kind to those who have persecuted us. It will judge them harshly for such severe disparagement that has already driven many to suicide, as you have experienced. I cannot say that the sudden feeling that my skills had no redeemable value after years of accumulation when compared to being transgender was a feeling of elation. Perhaps it was denied depression. When you posted private information, you did lower yourself to the level of TERFS. Unlike them, you possess not only a brain but a heart and proved that you are not incorrigible. I commend you tremendously for that. We all at some point descend into the abyss but because it is foreign we quickly seek egress, unlike TERFS who relish living amongst demons.
My sister, dust yourself off as ask I you to take the Dee pledge and vow that our fight is much bigger than ourselves and that your life is not so disposable that others will take it from you with vile words—that our cause is just, right and that we have been tasked with fighting the good fight. This can only happen if we remain alive. I vowed that my life would have to be taken from me, never freely given, and I ask that you do the same. There are so few of us compared to everyone else that each transgender life has a much higher value, statistically speaking of course. I remind you that history, not my opinion, shows time and time again that today’s villains are tomorrows heroes.
We are the villains of today, but we shall leave it to history, as others have to knight us as it sees fit. What we look like, our gender, sexuality, passing ability or not is not for anyone else to judge, yet many do so. For this they are in violation, not us. Persons that mock are no more mature than that school bully who mocked and persecuted you. As older children or adults, this means that they are the ones with the maturity problem, not us. This is why very few seniors engage in such futile and destructive behavior. They have learned that there is far more to worry about than personal attributes of a person in near proximity. Be stronger than strong, tougher than tough, and press on for our individual efforts are the dimes that add up to real dollars. Hugs and adoration to you.
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