“I’ve met any number of people like you. The moment you start carrying on about “passing privilege” the truth is pretty clear. Sorry, but I won’t give up my life for your benefit.”

I’ve not asked you to. I’ve already said you can be a coward if you like. That’s your choice.

Someone sent me a copy of your blog. I checked it out, and chose to leave a comment. Trust me, I have NO interest in surfing the “trans blogosphere.” I do have an interest in people who seem determined to make life hard for those who don’t see things their way though. Simply put, if you want to be “out, loud, and proud,” go for it. That is certainly your right. But when you start attacking people for not following your path, you lose any right to complain if people call your wrting a load of crap.

I make it hard for stealth people how? I really don’t care what you think about my post. It stands on it’s own merits.

Hey, we agree on something. Nope, I doubt you could ever be, or would ever want to be, “just a woman.” And that is certainly your right. I am not saying that YOU have to be stealth. I am saying that if you had any understanding of transsexualism, as opposed to being just another typical transgender person, you would understand that the “closet” is a LGB paradigm, and really has no application to transsexuals. But you are doing this for reasons that are totally different from those of me, and other transsexuals.

What shade of lipstick are you trying to put on that pig? You’re right, I didn’t transition to go from one closet to another. I’m not ashamed of who I am, and I’m not proud of who I am. It’s like being proud/ashamed of being left handed, it makes no sense.

“That’s your right. It is not your right to try to tell us we have to follow you in lockstep.
Nobody put you in charge. So, speak for yourself, and don’t presume to speak for everyone.”

I can only speak for me. Ya might want to take your own advice, since  you spoke for “other transsexuals” above. I never said that you have to follow me in lockstep, but you seem to be asking me to do that by your post. Being stealth is damaging on so many levels, and I’ll continue to speak out about it.

wow, and your blog gets deleted from my rss feeds, not for being obnoxious and intentionally offensive, but for showing the kind of lack of empathy verging on hate that makes tolerence such a dirty word. also for being boring. how about reading judith butler more often instaed of mary daly?

“Well, I would say it speaks for itself. I don’t consider a clueless person attacking transsexuals for not following their lead to be have much in the way of merit.”

You might try logic once in a while. If you’re “just a woman” then I’m attacking you how? You’re not a transsexual, remember?

“Let’s be honest, you didn’t really transition. You just went from being a man, to being a man in a dress. Nope, no closet for you. Just an out, loud,, and not exactly proud man in a dress. Yeah, just like being left-handed. Sure…”

Oh yes, because all real transsexuals hide in closets. Makes PERFECT sense. Because  REAL WOMEN WEAR DRESSES, right? It all makes sense now. Thanks for clearing that up, kettle. Time for you to go play elsewhere. Bye Bye now.

>>>Let’s be honest, you didn’t really transition. You just went from being a man, to being a man in a dress. Nope, no closet for you. Just an out, loud,, and not exactly proud man in a dress.

I didn’t agree with Marti’s post, but that’s such an out-of-line thing to say. Just because Marti acknowledges that she wasn’t born female doesn’t give you reason to disrespect her gender identity like that. God, it’s the exact same thing that transphobic people say to us. Not every trans* person has the same experience, but that doesn’t invalidate their identity, it just makes it slightly different to yours.

“Let’s be honest, you didn’t really transition. You just went from being a man, to being a man in a dress. Nope, no closet for you. Just an out, loud,, and not exactly proud man in a dress.”

I can understand the point of Marti’s post here, and I do find the statement above a bit ridiculous.

I do know lines and separation can be confusing to the untrained in mind. But it is still better to be out to make the unfamiliar familiar, and to not get yourself in trouble if you are ever outed. At least I know I am not cheating people about who I am, even though I am a transsexual.

To the norm, people already assume we are ‘weird cheaters’ for not presenting ourselves in our ‘rightful gender’, what does that make of us when we add another ‘passing mask’ in people’s eyes?

Passing privilage or not counts for nothing when you are not secure in who you are.

If you are transsexual, you could be in a smart tuxedo with a bowtie, but you would still be much less than a man, but more of a woman.

Marti, as much as I agree politically at some level, and as much as I think some of the comments here are as transphobic as a radio-shock-jock DJ… your vitriol against stealth people is petty, venomous and totally unnecessary.

I don’t remember anyone arguing that being stealth is a radical political act, making positive change for thousands of trans people everywhere. I am not stealth myself — I do public speaking, writing and fundraising on behalf of trans organizations — although I tend to pass in most situations and benefit from it, I’m not out at work, etc. This in itself illustrates that it’s not a black and white divide. Heck, I have been mistaken for a non-trans woman unintentionally so many times, EVEN when doing trans activist work, that I’m not sure how I would counter that without wearing a Transexual Menace t-shirt all the time.

Even though I’m not stealth, I will always fight for people’s right to be. You know why? Because trans people deserve privacy. Even if you think that it’s politically more advantageous for trans people to be open about our histories (which in some people’s cases have little to do with their current everyday lives) it is immoral to insist that trans people MUST out themselves, which is more or less what you’re asking here. You’re creating an ethical mandate to be out, which simply does not work with the fact that we also need to safeguard trans people’s privacy. People need to have this choice, not just to stay safe, but because privacy is a more important right than “we need more bodies on the front lines.” And seriously, I feel that need strongly in my local communities & political work too.

Trans visibility, however, has reached a new high-water mark lately with 20/20 and Newsweek and so on and so forth — do you really think that just “being visible” is such an amazing political act in and of itself? I don’t. We need to set our sights higher than simply lambasting private trans people living their lives to broadcast their trans status. If you are putting out a call for more political action from trans people, I would prefer to exhort people to be active in, or support (perhaps financially) communities who are struggling or in need. Ideologically, I would be much happier to see dissection of assimilationist politics (and connection with other progressive political movements) on a broader scale, not just the false either-or of “lifestyle choices” which is so tempting to spietfully target. You can do better.

Lastly, passing privilege? You should know that passing comes with its own problems. c.f. Gwen Araujo. More relevantly, what do you think makes it much easier for some people to be out, to speak loudly about trans issues, to not live in fear of discrimination even though we tell people we’re trans? That’s right. Privilege. Not everyone who is out or doesn’t pass has it. But a lot of the folks who are both out, or thriving, have access to some variety of it, because otherwise we’d really be in some deep shit. Don’t be so simplistic when you paint people with that brush, eh?

And like ellemarie said, don’t claim that you’re not saying calling anyone bad people when you say that they’re delusional, unethical, without integrity, and cowards. It’s disingenuous and makes you sound like a “love the sinner, hate the sin” asshole.

“Lastly, passing privilege? You should know that passing comes with its own problems. c.f. Gwen Araujo. More relevantly, what do you think makes it much easier for some people to be out, to speak loudly about trans issues, to not live in fear of discrimination even though we tell people we’re trans? That’s right. Privilege. Not everyone who is out or doesn’t pass has it. But a lot of the folks who are both out, or thriving, have access to some variety of it, because otherwise we’d really be in some deep shit. Don’t be so simplistic when you paint people with that brush, eh?

And like ellemarie said, don’t claim that you’re not saying calling anyone bad people when you say that they’re delusional, unethical, without integrity, and cowards. It’s disingenuous and makes you sound like a “love the sinner, hate the sin” asshole.”

It is amazing someone finally mentiones Gwen Araujo. No offence to the henious hate crime that had her murdered. But has anyone thought what might have happened if they knew all along she was a transsexual?

That is precisely the difference, four men staying away from her and rejecting her because they know who she is, and four men beating her up and executing her because they did not know.

Do you sisters realise what you are saying? Think about it.

However, calling anyone delusional, unethical, without integrity, and cowards for me is a bit out actually. We are suppose to discuss and have a dialogue about it, attacks should not be the objectives for a trans advocacy site.

marti, though i agree with generally, some people do have good reason to hide their past.

i, for example, cant come out or live as a woman, cus i could lose custody and visitation rights with my child.

i admit i’m being selfish. if i was more idealistic, i would risk the lost so others in the future don’t have to. but i’m not. i’m selfish and i want my daughter in my life.

so i have to assume that maybe others have reason for not admitting their transsexuality. i look forward to the day when my daughter is 18 and i can open and honest about who i am. though admittedly that is like nancy reagan supporting abortion after ron left the presidency.

but the reasons why people hide it are many and varied, so it hurt not hurt to cut them a little slack.

Marti, as much as I agree politically at some level, and as much as I think some of the comments here are as transphobic as a radio-shock-jock DJ… your vitriol against stealth people is petty, venomous and totally unnecessary.

You have a right to your opinion, but I disagree on multiple fronts. It’s totally necessary. Many times in my life, I’m the only transgender person that someone will meet. It’s important that they SEE me as a transgender person, for the good of all of us. Only then will change occur. Only then will we be treated with respect and dignity. In the words of the early AIDS orgs, Silence=Death.

Funny you make the shock jock comparison. When Rebecca Juro and I did Trans-Sister Radio Live! I got called a shock jock.

I don’t remember anyone arguing that being stealth is a radical political act, making positive change for thousands of trans people everywhere.

Exactly. It’s not. It’s nothing but fear and self loathing.

I am not stealth myself — I do public speaking, writing and fundraising on behalf of trans organizations — although I tend to pass in most situations and benefit from it, I’m not out at work, etc. This in itself illustrates that it’s not a black and white divide.

That isn’t stealth as I’ve ever heard it used in the trans-community. Stealth means woodworking, erasing your life before transition.

Heck, I have been mistaken for a non-trans woman unintentionally so many times, EVEN when doing trans activist work, that I’m not sure how I would counter that without wearing a Transexual Menace t-shirt all the time.

That’s not the same thing. I’m not saying that people should wear a scarlet T…. Stealth isn’t the same thing as discretion.

Even though I’m not stealth, I will always fight for people’s right to be. You know why? Because trans people deserve privacy. Even if you think that it’s politically more advantageous for trans people to be open about our histories (which in some people’s cases have little to do with their current everyday lives) it is immoral to insist that trans people MUST out themselves, which is more or less what you’re asking here. You’re creating an ethical mandate to be out, which simply does not work with the fact that we also need to safeguard trans people’s privacy. People need to have this choice, not just to stay safe, but because privacy is a more important right than “we need more bodies on the front lines.” And seriously, I feel that need strongly in my local communities & political work too.

I’ve never said anyone MUST do anything. People have the choice to do whatever they please.
But in my mind they’re nothing short a transgender Uncle Tom. If you want that for yourself, that’s your decision.

Trans visibility, however, has reached a new high-water mark lately with 20/20 and Newsweek and so on and so forth — do you really think that just “being visible” is such an amazing political act in and of itself? I don’t. We need to set our sights higher than simply lambasting private trans people living their lives to broadcast their trans status.

Newsweek articles are nice, but they are an abstraction. Many times as we transverse this world, we’ll be the only transgender person someone will ever meet. I’m lambasting STEALTH transsexuals, not someone that uses discretion. There’s a difference.

If you are putting out a call for more political action from trans people, I would prefer to exhort people to be active in, or support (perhaps financially) communities who are struggling or in need. Ideologically, I would be much happier to see dissection of assimilationist politics (and connection with other progressive political movements) on a broader scale, not just the false either-or of “lifestyle choices” which is so tempting to spietfully target. You can do better.

That sounds nice. But there are sisters and brothers dying on the streets (especially in places like Washington D.C.) for living their truth. While we talk about some vague “dissection of assimilationist politics” there are people suffering, while these folks live their safe existence. There’s a reason people do things like have anonymous sex in Minnesota Airports. Shame. That shame affects us all, in the form of DOMA, DADT, and other transphobic and homophobic legislation.

Lastly, passing privilege? You should know that passing comes with its own problems. c.f. Gwen Araujo. More relevantly, what do you think makes it much easier for some people to be out, to speak loudly about trans issues, to not live in fear of discrimination even though we tell people we’re trans? That’s right. Privilege. Not everyone who is out or doesn’t pass has it. But a lot of the folks who are both out, or thriving, have access to some variety of it, because otherwise we’d really be in some deep shit. Don’t be so simplistic when you paint people with that brush, eh?

What is your point here? If you have the privilege, don’t expect me to say you’re a hero for hiding. What you’re suggesting here effectively would be like saying “I have white privilege, and I’m going to keep it!” As with race, if you’re protecting your privilege, you’re part of the problem.

And like ellemarie said, don’t claim that you’re not saying calling anyone bad people when you say that they’re delusional, unethical, without integrity, and cowards. It’s disingenuous and makes you sound like a “love the sinner, hate the sin” asshole.

I don’t believe in “bad people.” I think there are people that do bad things, but that doesn’t make them all bad. My grandfather was in the KKK, he beat the shit out of my grandma, and he was verbally abusive to other people. He also loved and nurtured me in a way that no one else ever did in my childhood. He taught me that there are no bad people, but there are people that do harmful things.

Dear Marti,

I keep thinking I’m reading something that somebody else besides you wrote. Its just so not like you to be so hurtful labeling people this way. I’ve read your blog for a while, especially your posts about religion, and it really made me feel better. I just wish you didn’t write this one. I am 23 years old and I’m done with transition (thank god). For the very first time in my life I get to be me and I get to do it without feeling like a total outsider. I know that if I start telling people that I am a transexual, I will be on the outside again. I moved away from home, and I’m working in a place where no one from my past is. I had too, because there wasn’t any way I could stay in my old town and live a normal girls life. >_

“I would say you’re a coward and delusional, if you think that you can live stealth in todays world. There’s ALWAYS a path back to your birth gender, so you’re about as stealth as Valerie Plame.”

I’ll agree with all of this except for ‘coward’

One does what one has to do to survive in one’s given circumstances.

I would emphasize ‘delusional,’ but, quite frankly, this is something that has only crystalized recently. I think even as recently as when I transitioned (just under a decade ago), it was still possible. That doesn’t mean you have to wear a TS Menace t-shirt everywhere and throw copies of ‘Gender Outlaw’ around the way that the cat lady on The Simpsons throws cats.

As I hope we’ve learned from the Bailey-Blanchard fraud: there isn’t a bright-line dichotomy: there is something between ‘stealth’ and ‘absolutely out.’ I don’t ‘announce’ anything to my students, neighbors, co-workers, etc. – but when the situation is appropriate, I say what needs to be said.

*That* having been said, though, I still do my best to pass on a general basis – and, luckily, I’m generally able to do so. All preferences to be ‘out’ and ‘honest’ notwithstanding, I do think its not the best idea to wander into a gas station in rural Mississippi and start blabbering to all who can hear about your life history.

For the very first time in my life I get to be me and I get to do it without feeling like a total outsider. I know that if I start telling people that I am a transexual, I will be on the outside again. I moved away from home, and I’m working in a place where no one from my past is. I had too, because there wasn’t any way I could stay in my old town and live a normal girls life.

And that is your right. Do I think it’s wise or healthy? Ultimately, no. How can you foster any kind of intimacy with other individuals when you can’t be honest about your past?

I’m not saying you are a coward. I’m saying you’re making a cowardly choice if you’re living stealth. There is a difference. I’m glad you are here and you’re contributing to the discussion.

I don’t know what the difrerence is. BTW, my dad used to call me a coward, and he said I was delutional too. So yea anyway.

At first, I read what you wrote as someone like me who never tells anyone that I’m a coward

This is what you wrote before

“I would say you’re a coward and delusional, if you think that you can live stealth in todays world.”

thank you for at least saying I’m not one, but just acting like one. Maybe some day I won’t be a coward, but I had my fill of telling people and it hurt. I can see it in their eyes, and the way they treated me.

i guess its the emoticon.

What I said after that was sorry you think I am a coward. Maybe in the future I will be able to tell people, and talk about it, but right now I just can’t. I guess I am a coward then.

Marti,

I think you are hitting on a great point, and I am glad you brought it up. Yes I know you have taken a strong stance that other may see in the wrong light, and I am sorry that you have to take the abusive language and threats because you feel this way.

I support the idea that we should be out. I also know that there is a difference between being out and throwing your status in peoples faces.

I believe that in some situations that “stealth” can be a necessary tool to survive, find jobs, and avoid harassment. I believe however that the act of “deep stealth” is self defeating, and does not help the community.

My decision to be out was initiated by the fact that I could not hide from anyone who simply Google-ed my name, (former or present). I had originally tried to hide, and found that when I was “outed” it was a great distress, and something I had no control over. Conversely, when I came out to friends, co-workers and family, suddenly that fear went away. Being out allows me to have an intimate relationship without fear of being “discovered”. It allows em to educate people that I meet and to build friendships that are meaningful and honest.

Do I advertise to the world that I am trans? Do I force this on people? No. But I certainly don’t hide if someone asks, and I certainly don’t try and cover up my past.

Don’t deny who you are. Truth in self is important, and liberating. The community needs to rise above petty squabbles and face the reality that we need a viable stand for our rights.

Until we step out and be seen, people will continue to see us as Jerry Springer Rejects, and oddities.

If someone knows a person who is trans, they are more likely to support trans inclusive legislation, and equal rights for gender idenity.

For those who are living “stealth”. I do not see you as lower for your choice, but I also do not see how it helps the community. The benefits of Out trans people are leading the way to legislation that allows you to be “stealth”, and to eventually live without fear. If two bold trans women had not stood up in front of homeland security, and the real id act town hall, Identify them selves as trans, and making our presence know, they (homeland security) would not even be considering inclusion of trans protection in the enacting of real id… and as it stands, it might already be too late. We might all be facing changes that will out anyone who has not changed their birth certificates, and social security markers.

We need to make ourselves know.

I am out and proud! and I support anyone who is brave enough to do so.

Hugs

Mila

I guess Marti has erased all of her replies, because she was embarrassed about them. Glad to see you’re admitting it.

LOL! no. actually a server change. You can go back in the closet now.

uh, yea…right. “Server error”…I should have expected you come up with something like that.

I wonder how many trans youth would agree with you on your “out and proud” idiocy….oh…I know already…

None.

How do I know? I posted your rant on a board I’m on, and everyone just laughed their asses off.

Like the poster up above said…you’re just an unpassable old tranny trying to make a name for yourself. Good luck.

LOL. you’re amusing me now.

1. I don’t need this post for people to know who I am.

2. I know transyouth.

3. You can believe whatever makes you able to live with yourself.

what, exactly, is your definition of “stealth”? am i living stealth? i haven’t spoken about my transness at work, and no one has asked. as far as i’m concerned, it has nothing to do with my job. on the other hand, i write a blog on transadvocate.com, i belong to the pink pistols, i’ve posted pictures of myself on line, i use my legal name on line, i frequent lgbt hangouts (well, mostly “g” and “t” – i never heard of a “b” hangout, and i’m scared of lesbians ), and go to trans support group meetings.

but i seem to appear straight and cissexual, i’m married to a straight looking guy, and i don’t wear “transsexual menace” t-shirts, not do i have a desire to, except at pride. being trans is a part of who i am, but so is being a marksman. i don’t go around wearing a gun on my hip, and i don’t go around wearing a pink “t” around my neck. i don’t deny either, but neither do i advertise.

so what is “stealth”? is it like any other aspect of life – a matter of degree, with individuals mostly falling somewhere in the bell curve, with a few on the extremes.

I don’t care to judge others on being “stealth”, “woodworked”, or “closeted”. Each person has to work with what strengths – and weaknesses – she or he has.

I, however, have decided to out myself on many occasions: at work (where I was hired without knowledge of my history), at school, at church, before the committee on ministry that is considering me for formation toward clergy, and at seminary.

Why?

Because transitioning sucked, and I don’t want it to suck for others.

Because discrimination against transgendered people sucks, and I want it to stop.

I currently have the strength to be out, and I will use that strength to help others, whether they share that strength or – especially – not.

Well, you won’t catch me reading this blog again.

I’m not the ftm that posted in his own journal, but I am someone that doesn’t broadcast my history,and I can tell you with certainly that I’m neither a coward or delusional.

Some people can give their experience to help make people aware of trans issues. Other people can use their voice, or their writing skills. Others can yet help by giving money to a trans cause. No path is better than the other. Each person gives what they can, in the way that they can.

I don’t know you, and honestly, if you’re out because you can’t blend, then I fell sorry for you. If you’re out by choice, well you have a far thicker skin than I do, but just because YOU do, doesn’t make anyone who doesn’t a coward.

The difference being, I bare the brunt of society’s discrimination, so that transpeople not even born yet will be able to live a more free life (even though I don’t have to). I’m not ashamed of who I am and I know things won’t change unless I’m part of the answer.

People make judgments every day about all kinds of different things. Your point is? I never said it was the ONLY way. If you choose to be a coward, that’s your choice.

Um… You might want to check your scripture:

Luke 9:23 Then he said to them all: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.

And ya, people that support the war, but then don’t volunteer… I do think they are cowards (and hypocrites to boot).

It isn’t about thinking, it’s about action. I know one thing… people that hide in the closet will NEVER move us forward. Gays and lesbians find acceptance because other people KNOW THEM.

Oh, and as for your offer… I’ll pass.

I didn’t ask you not be a coward, that is your choice.

And you really do need a scripture lesson:

John 10:7 Therefore Jesus said again, “I tell you the truth, I am the gate for the sheep. 8All who ever came before me were thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not listen to them. 9I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved.”

Later, sunshine

I’m not telling anyone how they should live their life, I simply expressed my opinion. I’m extreme in my thinking on this, I know it.

As far as Jesus, someone else brought him up. I’m an atheist, but I know a lot about scripture. I was simply clarifying a mistake they made in using Jesus as an example.

I’m not talking about being “out,” but being stealth. There is a difference. I don’t see stealth people as “bad” and I’ve stated as much.

“The reason we have trouble gaining ground is homophobia and transphobia, not infighting.”

Re-read what I wrote. I said “one reason”, not THE reason. It IS a reason. Just because another cause had infighting doesn’t mean we should.

“How? People that are stealth AREN’T advocates! Fragmenting an invisible and silent segment affects advocacy how?”

Not advocates in person, but likely some are online. You’re also assuming people in stealth were never advocates at any point in their life. Again, you’re condemning a group based on preconceived notions. Sound familiar?

Not everyone involved in a particular minority need be an advocate either, not everyone is cut out to be. People in stealth aren’t the issue, stealth isn’t the issue. The issue is exactly what you said, homophobia and transphobia.

So why waste time, effort, and burn bridges in an effort to condemn a part of the community and focus on the things that actually matter to everyone.

“Another trans-whatever, who apparently cannot pass, complaining about those who have ‘passing privilege.’”

LOL. Trans-whatever? You don’t know me, so I’m not sure how you can judge if I pass or not.

“This person just doesn’t get it. Some of us, those who are transsexual as opposed to ‘transgender’ do not go through all of this to continue being transsexual.”

So why are you here? If you’re just a woman, why are you surfing the trans blogosphere?  If you want to deny your past, that’s your choice.

 “We simply want to live our lives as women, or men. Not as “trans.” There is nothing wrong with that. It is not about being a coward, or ashamed. It is about being who we really are.”

Who are you really? You call my writing a load of crap but you want to pretend that you’re no longer trans…. I’m not pretending that the gender fairy comes in the middle of the night and turns me into “just a woman.”  To me, that’s crap. Your mileage my vary.

“LOL. Trans-whatever? You don’t know me, so I’m not sure how you can judge if I pass or not.”

I’ve met any number of people like you. The moment you start carrying on about “passing privilege” the truth is pretty clear. Sorry, but I won’t give up my life for your benefit.

“So why are you here? If you’re just a woman, why are you surfing the trans blogosphere? If you want to deny your past, that’s your choice.”

Someone sent me a copy of your blog. I checked it out, and chose to leave a comment. Trust me, I have NO interest in surfing the “trans blogosphere.” I do have an interest in people who seem determined to make life hard for those who don’t see things their way though. Simply put, if you want to be “out, loud, and proud,” go for it. That is certainly your right. But when you start attacking people for not following your path, you lose any right to complain if people call your wrting a load of crap.

“Who are you really? You call my writing a load of crap but you want to pretend that you’re no longer trans…. I’m not pretending that the gender fairy comes in the middle of the night and turns me into “just a woman.” To me, that’s crap. Your mileage my vary.”

Hey, we agree on something. Nope, I doubt you could ever be, or would ever want to be, “just a woman.” And that is certainly your right. I am not saying that YOU have to be stealth. I am saying that if you had any understanding of transsexualism, as opposed to being just another typical transgender person, you would understand that the “closet” is a LGB paradigm, and really has no application to transsexuals. But you are doing this for reasons that are totally different from those of me, and other transsexuals. That’s your right. It is not your right to try to tell us we have to follow you in lockstep.

Nobody put you in charge. So, speak for yourself, and don’t presume to speak for everyone.

“I’ve met any number of people like you. The moment you start carrying on about “passing privilege” the truth is pretty clear. Sorry, but I won’t give up my life for your benefit.”

I’ve not asked you to. I’ve already said you can be a coward if you like. That’s your choice.

Someone sent me a copy of your blog. I checked it out, and chose to leave a comment. Trust me, I have NO interest in surfing the “trans blogosphere.” I do have an interest in people who seem determined to make life hard for those who don’t see things their way though. Simply put, if you want to be “out, loud, and proud,” go for it. That is certainly your right. But when you start attacking people for not following your path, you lose any right to complain if people call your wrting a load of crap.

I make it hard for stealth people how? I really don’t care what you think about my post. It stands on it’s own merits.

Hey, we agree on something. Nope, I doubt you could ever be, or would ever want to be, “just a woman.” And that is certainly your right. I am not saying that YOU have to be stealth. I am saying that if you had any understanding of transsexualism, as opposed to being just another typical transgender person, you would understand that the “closet” is a LGB paradigm, and really has no application to transsexuals. But you are doing this for reasons that are totally different from those of me, and other transsexuals.

What shade of lipstick are you trying to put on that pig? You’re right, I didn’t transition to go from one closet to another. I’m not ashamed of who I am, and I’m not proud of who I am. It’s like being proud/ashamed of being left handed, it makes no sense.

“That’s your right. It is not your right to try to tell us we have to follow you in lockstep.
Nobody put you in charge. So, speak for yourself, and don’t presume to speak for everyone.”

I can only speak for me. Ya might want to take your own advice, since  you spoke for “other transsexuals” above. I never said that you have to follow me in lockstep, but you seem to be asking me to do that by your post. Being stealth is damaging on so many levels, and I’ll continue to speak out about it.

“Well, I would say it speaks for itself. I don’t consider a clueless person attacking transsexuals for not following their lead to be have much in the way of merit.”

You might try logic once in a while. If you’re “just a woman” then I’m attacking you how? You’re not a transsexual, remember?

“Let’s be honest, you didn’t really transition. You just went from being a man, to being a man in a dress. Nope, no closet for you. Just an out, loud,, and not exactly proud man in a dress. Yeah, just like being left-handed. Sure…”

Oh yes, because all real transsexuals hide in closets. Makes PERFECT sense. Because  REAL WOMEN WEAR DRESSES, right? It all makes sense now. Thanks for clearing that up, kettle. Time for you to go play elsewhere. Bye Bye now.

Marti, as much as I agree politically at some level, and as much as I think some of the comments here are as transphobic as a radio-shock-jock DJ… your vitriol against stealth people is petty, venomous and totally unnecessary.

You have a right to your opinion, but I disagree on multiple fronts. It’s totally necessary. Many times in my life, I’m the only transgender person that someone will meet. It’s important that they SEE me as a transgender person, for the good of all of us. Only then will change occur. Only then will we be treated with respect and dignity. In the words of the early AIDS orgs, Silence=Death.

Funny you make the shock jock comparison. When Rebecca Juro and I did Trans-Sister Radio Live! I got called a shock jock.

I don’t remember anyone arguing that being stealth is a radical political act, making positive change for thousands of trans people everywhere.

Exactly. It’s not. It’s nothing but fear and self loathing.

I am not stealth myself — I do public speaking, writing and fundraising on behalf of trans organizations — although I tend to pass in most situations and benefit from it, I’m not out at work, etc. This in itself illustrates that it’s not a black and white divide.

That isn’t stealth as I’ve ever heard it used in the trans-community. Stealth means woodworking, erasing your life before transition.

Heck, I have been mistaken for a non-trans woman unintentionally so many times, EVEN when doing trans activist work, that I’m not sure how I would counter that without wearing a Transexual Menace t-shirt all the time.

That’s not the same thing. I’m not saying that people should wear a scarlet T…. Stealth isn’t the same thing as discretion.

Even though I’m not stealth, I will always fight for people’s right to be. You know why? Because trans people deserve privacy. Even if you think that it’s politically more advantageous for trans people to be open about our histories (which in some people’s cases have little to do with their current everyday lives) it is immoral to insist that trans people MUST out themselves, which is more or less what you’re asking here. You’re creating an ethical mandate to be out, which simply does not work with the fact that we also need to safeguard trans people’s privacy. People need to have this choice, not just to stay safe, but because privacy is a more important right than “we need more bodies on the front lines.” And seriously, I feel that need strongly in my local communities & political work too.

I’ve never said anyone MUST do anything. People have the choice to do whatever they please.
But in my mind they’re nothing short a transgender Uncle Tom. If you want that for yourself, that’s your decision.

Trans visibility, however, has reached a new high-water mark lately with 20/20 and Newsweek and so on and so forth — do you really think that just “being visible” is such an amazing political act in and of itself? I don’t. We need to set our sights higher than simply lambasting private trans people living their lives to broadcast their trans status.

Newsweek articles are nice, but they are an abstraction. Many times as we transverse this world, we’ll be the only transgender person someone will ever meet. I’m lambasting STEALTH transsexuals, not someone that uses discretion. There’s a difference.

If you are putting out a call for more political action from trans people, I would prefer to exhort people to be active in, or support (perhaps financially) communities who are struggling or in need. Ideologically, I would be much happier to see dissection of assimilationist politics (and connection with other progressive political movements) on a broader scale, not just the false either-or of “lifestyle choices” which is so tempting to spietfully target. You can do better.

That sounds nice. But there are sisters and brothers dying on the streets (especially in places like Washington D.C.) for living their truth. While we talk about some vague “dissection of assimilationist politics” there are people suffering, while these folks live their safe existence. There’s a reason people do things like have anonymous sex in Minnesota Airports. Shame. That shame affects us all, in the form of DOMA, DADT, and other transphobic and homophobic legislation.

Lastly, passing privilege? You should know that passing comes with its own problems. c.f. Gwen Araujo. More relevantly, what do you think makes it much easier for some people to be out, to speak loudly about trans issues, to not live in fear of discrimination even though we tell people we’re trans? That’s right. Privilege. Not everyone who is out or doesn’t pass has it. But a lot of the folks who are both out, or thriving, have access to some variety of it, because otherwise we’d really be in some deep shit. Don’t be so simplistic when you paint people with that brush, eh?

What is your point here? If you have the privilege, don’t expect me to say you’re a hero for hiding. What you’re suggesting here effectively would be like saying “I have white privilege, and I’m going to keep it!” As with race, if you’re protecting your privilege, you’re part of the problem.

And like ellemarie said, don’t claim that you’re not saying calling anyone bad people when you say that they’re delusional, unethical, without integrity, and cowards. It’s disingenuous and makes you sound like a “love the sinner, hate the sin” asshole.

I don’t believe in “bad people.” I think there are people that do bad things, but that doesn’t make them all bad. My grandfather was in the KKK, he beat the shit out of my grandma, and he was verbally abusive to other people. He also loved and nurtured me in a way that no one else ever did in my childhood. He taught me that there are no bad people, but there are people that do harmful things.

For the very first time in my life I get to be me and I get to do it without feeling like a total outsider. I know that if I start telling people that I am a transexual, I will be on the outside again. I moved away from home, and I’m working in a place where no one from my past is. I had too, because there wasn’t any way I could stay in my old town and live a normal girls life.

And that is your right. Do I think it’s wise or healthy? Ultimately, no. How can you foster any kind of intimacy with other individuals when you can’t be honest about your past?

I’m not saying you are a coward. I’m saying you’re making a cowardly choice if you’re living stealth. There is a difference. I’m glad you are here and you’re contributing to the discussion.

LOL. you’re amusing me now.

1. I don’t need this post for people to know who I am.

2. I know transyouth.

3. You can believe whatever makes you able to live with yourself.